Robert Swift Dies, We Can All Stop Pretending

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK - Thunder C Robert Swift died Wednesday morning, losing a long battle to Imminent Death Syndrome. Imminent Death Syndrome, or IDS, is a rare disease whose victims are literally on the brink of death for the entirety of their lifespan. Those around the victim want to make his last days rewarding, but are often put in an awkward position when he does not die.

Robert Swift's NBA career began in 2004, when he was drafted 12th overall by the Seattle SuperSonics as part of ESPN's inspiring My Wish series. Swift, who was expected to pass at any minute for the past five years, had been allowed to play off the bench for the Seattle SuperSonics and later the Oklahoma City Thunder.

Robert Swift receives hearty encouragement during a Sonics practice in 2007.

Swift, who averaged 4.3 points and 3.9 rebounds in his career as an honorary NBA player, will be remembered by his teammates as a very special young man.

"I spent a lot of quality time on the bench with Robert," former Thunder teammate Joe Smith had to say, "and he was always so positive, so happy to be alive and playing basketball."

In 2008, the SuperSonics had run out of roster space to accommodate Swift's dying wish to play in the NBA, and commissioner David Stern made a grand gesture by fabricating a new franchise for Robert Swift to play for. Once he knew that Swift was thoroughly distracted in another room, Stern famously held a discreet press conference explaining that "This new fake team [would] be called the Oklahoma City Thunder and [would] simply never play Seattle."

When contacted about Robert Swift's long awaited passing, Suns forward Amar'e Stoudamire expressed his sadness at the news, and had this to say about playing against him. "Every team in the league understood that when you played the Thunder, you didn't have to let them win necessarily, but it would be nice to let Robert have his moment to shine."

The Suns make way for a Robert Swift slam dunk during a 2009 game.

"Now that Robert Swift has finally passed on, naturally the Thunder will be dissolved and the media can begin covering Sonics games again." David Stern said in a press release today, "We will miss Robert dearly, but I'm sure everyone is at least somewhat relieved that we can all stop pretending."