WASHINGTON, D.C. - In light of his indefinite suspension from the NBA after a locker room incident involving multiple handguns, distraught Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas expressed that he is still hoping this has all been a bad dream. The former All Star, whose remaining $90 million on his contract may be terminated, unless he fell asleep on a flight during the 2006-2007 season and the last three turbulent years have been a dream.
The mercurial point guard began to suspect he might be dreaming when he found himself pointing a handgun at a teammate of whom he did not even know the name. Arenas' life rapidly fell apart in the ensuing days, and the surreal nature of these events lead him to believe that this was not the real world.
At a press conference Thursday following his suspension, Arenas toyed with the concept that everything he was experiencing was not real, including the reporters present.
"You guys are probably just amalgams of reporters I've talked to in the past. It would make a lot of sense if this were a dream. The handguns probably represent my shooting ability, and David Stern represents my father, and the suspension represents my fear of getting suspended."
Arenas then brought up the heady concept of lucid dreaming.
"I saw in a movie that if you think you're dreaming you should try to adjust the light levels in a room. If you can't turn the lights on and off, you're dreaming," Arenas posited as he walked over to the light switch on the wall. "Damn it."
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