Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Editorial: Not Impressed With Basketball

by Alex Kavutskiy

Basketball?! Not impressed.

I've been a hardcore sports fan my whole life. If there's a sport, I'm a fan of it. Last week, my friend Kenneth introduced me to basketball and I gotta say... not a fan. Call me old-fashioned, but to me, sports are about teamwork and passion and strength (both of heart and body of course!) but basketball, not only has none of these qualities, it doesn't even have any of these qualities!

Maybe you'll send me an e-mail and maybe you call me Al and your email will read, "Al, what do you mean basketball doesn't have teamwork? It's a team sport!" Thanks for the e-mail but team sport, my ass. It only has 5 players! Football has 25! Rugby has 40! The more the players in play, the better. But if you can't get 62 players on the field like baseball, the next best solution is having less players. Take doubles tennis or chess. Both of those sports require 2 or 1 team members, respectively. Is it a coincidence both of those sports are better than basketball? No.

Fools and philosophers alike could suggest that basketball requires a lot of passion. So does shitting but it doesn't make it stink any less. Some would say basketball requires a lot of strength (both of heart and body) but others would say that it doesn't.

Let's go over some basic rules of basketball. First, you have to dribble the ball (I know it sounds stupid but this is what these people actually believe). Second, you gotta throw the ball to pass or shoot (Wow. Throwing the ball. Real original. First sport to ever THROW a BALL). Third, if you throw the ball into a basket you get points. The more points, the better. Sometimes you get 2 points and sometimes you get 3 but sometimes you get only 1. You don't get any points if you miss. Most basketball players are too busy learning all these complicated rules and don't have time to play. I like it when players slam-dunk the ball.

Some of the most famous basketball players are Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan, Tyrese, and Vince Carter. My favorite out of those is Michael Jordan. He is the best basketball player that has ever lived. Kobe Bryant is pretty good, too. I also like Shaq.

In conclusion, basketball: friend or foe? Fact or fiction? We've been asking these questions for too long. It's time to get some answers. Post your comments whether you think basketball is either terrible or horrible. Why do you feel the way you do? Post your answers below. You can also shoot me an e-mail with any further concerns at yeahbaseballsprettycool@hotmail.com. But please don't call me Al.

Oh, and have you guys heard of soccer? Fuck that!

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