Eric Byrnes Cut From Friends' Softball Team

MENLO PARK, CA -- Two weeks after being released by the Seattle Mariners, former MLB outfielder Eric Byrnes suffered another major setback to his career Thursday night when he was cut from the Dutch Goose sponsored Menlo Park softball team. The team was organized by close friends of the once-good hitter, and they took a chance by signing the now-bad hitter. Byrnes was notified of his release at the Dutch Goose bar following Thursday's loss when the free-swinger struck out 6 times, a team record.

Despite reaching the end of his once-promising baseball career, a delusional Byrnes continues to retain a positive attitude about his situation.

"I hear the Chipotle team in Palo Alto needs a fourth outfielder," Byrnes said with a California smile. "You know, they're only a few games out of first place."

Byrnes is still owed a $50 league-fee refund from the Dutch Goose organization.

Update: Bill Hall Singing "House of the Rising Sun" in Seattle Bar

SEATTLE, WA -- Mariners' recent signee Bill Hall was spotted in Dimitriou's Jazz Alley after Friday night's game performing "House of the Risin' Sun" to a small audience. Accompanied by his acoustic guitar and harmonica, Hall sung the melancholic folk ballad made famous by The Animals with an impassioned howl and a visible sadness seen only on victims of only the harshest pain and deepest loss.

His long set also included a number of other somber folk ballads such as "Rocks and Gravel", "Moonshiner", and Simon & Garfunkel's hit "The Sound of Silence".

Ken Griffey Jr. and his jazz quintet perform at Dimitriou's on Sunday at 9.

Carlos Silva: "It's a European Greeting"

Russell Branyan (left): "I think I'm getting kissed more than the other guys."

SEATTLE, WA - According to team sources, veteran pitcher Carlos Silva has recently started greeting and congratulating his teammates with a kiss on the cheek. His Mariners clubhouse has had a lukewarm reaction to the new custom.

"He started [kissing his teammates] a few weeks ago," outfielder Franklin Gutiérrez told reporters. "That first day I thought he was just happy because he had pitched well, but that guy has tracked me down and pecked me on the cheek every day since then."

"It's a European greeting," the Venezuelan-born pitcher has been overheard telling people before he embraces them and gives them a quick but assured kiss on their cheek.

First baseman Russell Branyan does not appreciate Silva's affectionate custom. "Today he pulled me aside to kiss me in the dugout, and I was just going up to bat. I think I'm getting kissed more than the other guys."

While many players do not appreciate the gesture, struggling young pitcher Brandon Morrow feels he might benefit from more of Silva's attention. "I get that some guys are weirded out by it, but he's never once kissed me. I'm not saying I want him to, but a little bit of acknowledgment would be nice."

"He does not do that to me," Ichiro said through his translator.

Josh Hamilton Wears Sunglasses, Chews Gum in Corner of Rangers Dugout

ARLINGTON, TX - Redeemed slugger Josh Hamilton was spotted last Sunday sitting by himself in the corner of the Rangers dugout, wearing sunglasses and constantly chewing gum during a game against the Seattle Mariners. The rehabilitated star allowed ample space between himself and his closest teammate.

"At first I didn't think anything of it," said teammate Ian Kinsler, "but then he seemed a little anxious when I asked him what he knew about [Mariners starter] Ian Snell.

"He kept trying to explain one thing to me, and then he would go off on a tangent about how Snell used to be on the Pirates and how he likes PNC Park, because it has that yellow bridge...something along those lines."

In Hamilton's first plate appearance he drew a walk, but was picked off at first base without a dive. On his way back to the dugout, he was overheard crying softly to himself and repeating the phrase, "I'm such a fucking idiot. I'm such a fucking idiot."

In the top of the fifth inning with his team in the field, Texas manager Ron Washington noticed his center fielder periodically eating what looked like Funyuns.

"I started just watching Josh, and every few minutes he would reach into his pocket, but he would make it part of some larger gesture like he was stretching. Sure enough, a few seconds later he would put something in his mouth."

After striking out in the seventh inning, Hamilton was seen drinking two cans of Diet Coke before the end of the inning. According to teammates, the Home Run Derby champion's mood seemed to be lifted following the caffeine boost.

"Josh Hamilton? That guy is hilarious!" Outfielder Andruw Jones said of his teammate, "Today he asked me about how I spell my name, he said 'Why do you need the W?' I've been telling people about that all day."

Catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia had a less jovial outlook on his teammate's behavior.
"I walked by him in the clubhouse, just passed him and the guy starts saying my last name out loud. But repeating and over enunciating it. Like Sal-ta-la-MACH-ia, SALT-alamachia, saltalamaCHIA. That's just obnoxious."

Special assignment coach and accountability partner Johnny Narron spoke with reporters after the game, while holding up an uncontrollably giggling Josh Hamilton.

"I'd be very surprised if Josh Hamilton's unusual demeanor tonight is indicative of anything - Josh, what is so goddamned funny?"

"I was just thinking," said Hamilton through clenched teeth, "what is a Mariner anyway?"