Why The Utah Jazz Team from Celtic Pride Could, and Did Win the NBA Finals

1. Lewis Scott is the best player in the NBA. Period. If you're a scoring machine like Scott, you don't need to pass the potato. Your supporting cast is only there to give Scott some court space and play mediocre defense to keep the other, all-white team in the game in a conspiracy to give the illusion that Utah Jazz have any chance of losing with a player like Lewis Scott on their team.

2. Lurch is simply the team's Hasheem Thabeet. Although only about a head taller than Scott, he is a fierce competitor, a Charles Barkley type. The GM of the Jazz thought he would develop and give Scott a legitimate low-post threat to get offensive rebounds (in the highly unlikely scenario that Scott misses a shot) and then immediately pass back to Scott. He is a rookie though, and he needs more time to develop, but with Scott out, they'll have to play a new style that would accommodate a conservative, defense and rebound oriented, efficient style of basketball. The hopes of actually winning a game without Scott are ludicrous, but he'll be back in time for game 7 thank god.

3. The bad blood going on within the team only contributes to the competitive fire that has taken them to where they are thus far.

3a. The main guy on the Celtics who always dunks is a basketball extra that you see in any basketball scene in any movie in the 90's. I think he was one of the guys in Cable Guy.

4. Coach Christopher McDonald, though hot tempered, has a really, really, really good system. He's also really good at golf.

5. Chris McCarthy also had tickets to the final game.

Why the Utah Jazz Team from Celtic Pride Could Not Have Won the NBA Finals

1. Lewis Scott (Damon Wayans) is their star, referred to several times as the best player in the NBA. However he literally never passes. When he passes to a teammate during the 4th quarter of Game 7, Bill Walton reacts as if the act is a revelation in Scott's game. So the best player in the league has zero career assists, and at the same time has carried his team all the way to the Finals.

2. Apparently the Jazz only have five players who their coach considers qualified to play any minutes. When Lewis Scott goes AWOL, Utah's Croatian sixth man Lurch tries to convince the coach to give him a chance. Lurch is completely inept, missing dunks in practice and causing his coach to declare that he hates his life. At first I presumed that Lurch was the team's worst player, but as game time approaches and Scott still hasn't shown, Lurch is plugged into the starting lineup. The coach screams at him to just stand under the basket and rebound. So a team with absolutely no bench production is on the cusp of a World Championship.

3. Not only does Utah have no bench, they also have no secondary stars to Lewis Scott. Instead his teammates are an assortment of two dimensional characters who all hate him. So he has no moral support and he never passes, yet he is about to win a championship. Actually Scott had to be the best player in the NBA, probably the best of all time.

3a. The Celtics team in Celtic Pride could not have won their conference either. They appear to be five white guys who are all the same height. They also have no identity, basically extras in Celtics uniforms. None of them ever say anything important or establish any characteristics. Come to think of it, pretty much everyone on the floor except for Lurch seems completely indifferent to playing in the Finals.